Tag Archives: baby

Baby Mama Drama


I can say with complete honesty that having a baby has been the most humbling experience of my life.

We can all say the things we’d do that would be best for our baby before actually having one. And, we can all criticize those for doing things differently; after all, they must not really love their baby as much as we do because we are the only ones that have our baby’s best interests at heart. And believe me, before Murphy came along, I had plenty of opinions of my own. In fact, I still struggle with passing judgment on someone who has done something differently than the way I think is best.

But guess what: IT AIN’T MY CALL.

I can’t possibly presume to know and understand the circumstances of every individual on the planet, so how could I possibly know what is best for each of them and their children?  I’ve even had private conversations with other women I had previously wanted to judge for a choice they made when it came to their children and was dumbfounded at the secret struggles they had that no one would have ever known about. 

My own child is only four months old, and the level of negative critique (often disguised as well-meant intentions) that I’ve witnessed and seen others experience is alarming.

You wanna find out the sex of your baby? Find out the sex. You wanna make your way through labor by means of self-hypnosis? Knock yourself out! You wanna schedule your C-section? Do it, sister! You wanna push that baby out drug and epidural-free? You go girl! You wanna birth that kid in a blow-up kiddie pool in your living room? By all means! (Just make sure to film the thing, ‘cause we mamas all love watching that sh*t on YouTube.) You wanna formula-feed or can’t breastfeed? Not only will your kid still live, they’ll still thrive. Wanna breastfeed your kid ‘til they’re in college? You do you, girrrrl! Stroller or baby-wearing?  Co-sleep or cry-it-out? Cloth diapers or disposable? Generic baby formula or homemade goat milk formula? Working mom or stay-at-home? Screen time or nah? One kid or 20? Store-bought baby food or homegrown organic? Take your pick.

IT DOESN’T MATTER.

Just love your kids, please. Love the hell outta them and cherish each moment, because, my God, they’re so fleeting!

Let go of all the judgment (on yourself and others), the mom guilt, the bullsh*t. Let it all go and use that energy, instead, on something great like teaching your kid to read, to be kind, to imagine, to think, to love, to have faith in something bigger than themselves. Because THAT?

THAT MATTERS.

Stop asking others how they’re mom-ing in hopes of feeling better about yourself, and stop posting articles on social media reiterating why the choice YOU made is, not only the best, but the ONLY sane choice one could possibly make.

Don’t lie. We’ve all done it.

Stop asking, and just make the choices that are best for your family. Just be informed about it, and know that what’s best in your situation isn’t always the most blatant, black and white answer. There’s so much grey.

SO. MUCH. GREY.

Support other moms out there, and encourage them when possible–or even just when the mood strikes you. Sometimes just a smile in their direction will make their day. And please, only offer your advice when it’s asked for. BE NICE and not just some arrogant, know-it-all, better-than-everyone-else mom.

This message is for me, too. I’m just as guilty as anyone. Maybe even more so. I’m working on it, and I hope this post will encourage others to do the same.

So, if you’re a Judgey McJudgerson out there reading this…..just think about it.

And if you’re a mom reading…..I’m proud of you! I know you love your baby more than life itself, and I know that you’re trying your hardest every. single. day.

Yes, even if you’re not doing things the way you always thought your would or the way others have told you you should. Give yourself a break, for crying out loud! You have, arguably, the hardest job on the planet, and you’re rocking it.

You rock star, you.

😉

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Big Changes and New Challenges

I haven’t written in quite a while, despite my constantly telling myself I will be better at it.  I enjoy it, and I definitely don’t make the time for it like I should.

That being said, I have had a pretty good excuse this time.

We’re having a baby!

I was almost 21 weeks along before we made it “Facebook official”.  We had planned to announce it sooner, but we actually very much enjoyed keeping it to our closer circle of family and friends for as long as we could.  With everyone putting every ounce of their business on social media these days, it was nice to know that we held this precious {almost} secret for a little while longer.

Now that it’s out, it feels so weird to say it openly to everyone or for them to notice and comment on my ever-growing bump.  The kicking is almost constant, which I love.  I like being reminded that this little person is there, and I’m never alone.  I know this will pass way too quickly, so I’m soaking up every drop that I can.

We’ve been diligently working to prepare for the little one’s arrival.  My parents have come to stay several weekends to help do some light remodeling to get the house baby-ready.  We’ve refinished our hardwood floors and put a fresh coat of paint on the walls.  Things are looking fresh and new, and it’s exciting.

The house is still relatively empty.  We chose not to buy much furniture until after the floors were finished so that we wouldn’t have to put it in storage.  All we currently have is our king-sized mattress (best money we’ve ever spent), our TV and entertainment center, our couch, 4 sitting chairs, and a cheap folding table and chair set to temporarily use for dining.  I’ve sold everything else.  And since the house used to belong to my organized hoarder grandmother, there was a lot to sell.

I can’t wait to get a couple of nice pieces for the nursery as well as an actual dining room table and chairs.  We still plan to keep the house relatively empty as we’ve grown accustomed to the open space.  We’ll stick with the essentials and just enjoy our breathing room for now.

Of course, our plan is to carry over the minimalist principles we’ve been living into parenthood.  I’ve been entertained with all the people who have expressed their doubts that this will be possible.  After all, babies need soooo much stuff! #sarcasm

All I can think is, you must not know how seriously we take our lifestyle!  Haha!

We probably won’t get it perfect every time.  In fact, I know we won’t.  But we do intend to try.  We’ve already been taking steps to ensure we keep our baby spending in check.  We knew immediately that we didn’t want to find out the baby’s sex.  So far, this alone has held us to our minimalist ideals.  You would be surprised at the amount of cute stuff I had to pass up at the store because I don’t know what we’re having!  I can see why people go a little crazy in the baby departments.  Everything is so cute, convenient, and eye-catching that it’s super hard not to!

Instead, though, I sat down at the computer and began listing things that I knew for sure our baby would need.  Basics like: neutral onesies, socks, diapers, wipes, baby wash, teeny nail clippers, a thermometer, soft towels and washcloths, burp cloths, a place to sleep, etc.  Then, I did research upon research on topics like, Do Babies Actually Need Cribs To Sleep InIs A Bottle Warmer Completely NecessaryHow Many Outfits Will An Infant Go Through In A Week’s Time, and so on and so forth.  Then, after slowly adding and removing things from my list over several weeks based on my findings, I started a registry online.  I only went into the store once to get a look at a few items in person and to add (or remove) accordingly.  The rest was done from my computer, further keeping the temptation to buy-all-the-stuff at bay.  What I’m left with is a list of things I will actually need and use for our new baby without getting bogged down in all the unnecessary, albeit cute, items.

Yes, my list may seem a little boring to some.  Yes, if I have a sweet baby girl, she will be wearing mostly whites, yellows, and greys for the first few months of her life (which, as someone with an aversion to pink, is fine by me).  No, we won’t be having some huge gender reveal party or some over-the-top gender stereotypical baby shower, but you know what?  We’re fine with it.  In fact, we prefer it.  Sometimes in the midst of all the cutesy pinks and blues and mountains of baby gear, we can lose sight of the miracle that’s right in front of us.  By keeping it simple, our attention will not be on all the stuff we’ll receive or think we’ll have to purchase.  Instead, it will be totally focused on the new life we’ll be bringing into the world.

And honestly, I don’t know of anything more precious than a cozy baby in a simple, white onesie asleep in your arms.

If decorating your nursery to the nines or monogramming ruffled, boutique rompers makes your heart sing, then go for it!  There’s nothing wrong with these things.  Just remember that they are babies, and the truth is, they don’t need a lot of stuff.  They don’t require it or ask for these things, and they’ll outgrow most of it in a matter of weeks.  They just need a lot of love, as cliche as it sounds, and that’s exactly what we plan on giving ours.

We want our children to have everything when it comes to what matters and to not get confused, bombarded, or even spoiled, by the things that distract them from it.  We want to teach them the value of relationships and the meaninglessness of replaceable possessions.  We want them to want to spend more time with the people that love and care for them than with the screens on their electronic devices.  We want to take them on trips and provide them with experiences they will never forget.  We want to instill these values in them so that they will one day understand the importance of passing them on to their children.

I’m so excited about what’s to come.  This new journey will be fun, challenging, amusing, comical, and sometimes heartbreaking, but I look forward to it all and hope to share pieces of it with you guys along the way.

Thanks for reading!

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